Photo of Makenzie, Ify, and I cheersing in Oaxaca. Shot on 35mm (2021).
Remember sleepovers before smartphones, AIM, and dial-up internet?
You and a friend or cousin or sibling were elated just to be around eachother. Up all night giggling and gisting, asking and answering questions ranging in depth and topic. Mostly silly, mischievous, non-sensical shit. The sun would flicker through a curtain, or someone’s mom would barge into the room and yell, “SHHHHHhhHh!”
Life slowed. Bonds strengthened. No binary existed of fun or fulfilling.
It was ALL of it.
Relationships thickened with laughter and sweetened with tears.
I still have these moments with a handful of friends, select family, the occasional lovely stranger, and thankfully, almost every night with Cortney (if one of us hasn’t already passed out or is pulling an all-nighter).
That’s how I want this tiny weekly space to feel.
It’s called One Question Wednesday’s (because ya’ll know I like to name everything and you know I love Wednesday’s (well, OG’s know *sips wine*), and questions): a subscriber discussion thread.
For Free Babes every first Wednesday of the month, for Paid Babes every week.
Expect a range. Think delirious, delicious gist in the company of close friends at 4 AM after coming home from a party where none of you knew anyone. Or the ease, honesty, and vulnerability present while laying next to lover on a weeknight, a bottle of whatever it is you like to sip between you. Or an unplugged chance encounter with a fascinating stranger halfway across the country. You accept an invitation for an evening stroll, the two of you set forth with nothing to lose and everything to gain from asking and answering.
All of it.
Ok, ok. Enough from me.
TODAY’S QUESTION: What situation did TV/movies make you think would be common, but when you grew up you found out it wasn’t?
I used to think that every sex scene in a romantic relationship would be some beautifully edited, slow motion sephia montage while 90’s R&B thrummed in the background thanks to movies like “Brown Sugar” and “Love and Basketball.” That was not the case the first go around and has…not…been the case for the majority of adulthood lmao.
I’ll be reading/responding tonight and tomorrow! Can’t wait to see your answers.
I always thought having one huge friend group was a common thing for adults. Scenes from Living Single, Girlfriends, A Different World…shaped this thought. Now in my late 20’s, I look around and see small pockets of friend groups. The group from high school, the group from college, different jobs, and so forth. It’s not what I imagined but I’m eternally grateful of the different groups that shape the different parts of who I am. 💕
Whew. Couldn't agree more! I was constantly on the hunt for a crew, clique, etc. but always found myself close with a broad range of individuals in completely different groups. I didn't realize I was more of a "floater" until my late 20's, with 1 or 2 companionship friends. I wouldn't trade it. Thank you for sharing, Vohandas!
I used to think friends just always had time to meet up after work / during lunch on the daily at the bar / coffeehouse / restaurant. (How I met your mother, SATC, etc).
Legit laughing out loud at my desk!! Yo, a ridiculous amount of time and money. We can't be fine dining every time we need to catch up. Just come run errands with the kid lma. Thank you, Chi!
I thought a life partner would automatically happen after a certain age or even frustration level; that person would magically appear because that’s what happens in the movies. Not so, not that! At least not yet. Lol
Not so at all! And I imagined them waltzing in a mutual friends party, in slow motion, love at first sight (because everything magical is...in...slow motion in my...mind?) It always happens a differently, and makes for a way better story!
I used to think that the road to adulthood would be seamless and easy. By 25, all my friends and I would be parents, juggling our perfect careers with our dream like households. We would have it all figured out and we would all grow at the same pace. We would go through things at the exact same time, similar to adolescence, and just be a few blocks away from the nearest friend when in need. Oh, how I thought things would be so simple.
WHEW! I thought the exact same thing. Friends and I would make jokes about our kids playing together, our spouses being friends, all of us living in the same damn cult a sac. By a smooth 25, 26. Not knowing that every living thing grows at it's own pace, and in it's own unique direction. We had no idea how much grace and kindness we'd need. How simple we'd thought it'd be, indeed.
Crying at this! Pregnant women were always, always glowing or power walking at Olympic pace in shows/movies. Big lies lol. I feel you 1000% in being more mentally equipped having witness a few friends/family going through the process.
Because who knows what physical challenges will be faced. Wonder if there is, or ever will be, a diverse portrayal of pregnant women's experiences in shows/movies.
I thought I would live with my closest friends throughout my 20’s and that we would have fun all the time. Instead I had way too many house shares with strangers that I could not stand 🥴
That true love was some long epic drama, like Ross & Rachel in Friends. I identified and even tried to be like Rachel in my adolescence. Over time I realized that the drama was totally created in my own mind which then manifested in my romantic relationships. Not real life haha.
The longest most epic dramas! The more dramatic, the more romantic. I tried living this out as well. My relationships pilot should've never been approved and booted the hell off air after season 1. We've come a long way, Shelley. We've come a long way!
I always thought having one huge friend group was a common thing for adults. Scenes from Living Single, Girlfriends, A Different World…shaped this thought. Now in my late 20’s, I look around and see small pockets of friend groups. The group from high school, the group from college, different jobs, and so forth. It’s not what I imagined but I’m eternally grateful of the different groups that shape the different parts of who I am. 💕
Whew. Couldn't agree more! I was constantly on the hunt for a crew, clique, etc. but always found myself close with a broad range of individuals in completely different groups. I didn't realize I was more of a "floater" until my late 20's, with 1 or 2 companionship friends. I wouldn't trade it. Thank you for sharing, Vohandas!
I used to think friends just always had time to meet up after work / during lunch on the daily at the bar / coffeehouse / restaurant. (How I met your mother, SATC, etc).
Now it’s like:
1. That’s mad $$$
2. Ain’t nobody got that kind of time😂😩
Legit laughing out loud at my desk!! Yo, a ridiculous amount of time and money. We can't be fine dining every time we need to catch up. Just come run errands with the kid lma. Thank you, Chi!
Omg same I just about to put this , if anything it’s easier to call and text!
I the other was common to have it all figured out before 30
Listennnn lol. I feel this on a cosmic level! Every show/movie involving some type of graduation skipped the 25 and up part.
I thought a life partner would automatically happen after a certain age or even frustration level; that person would magically appear because that’s what happens in the movies. Not so, not that! At least not yet. Lol
Not so at all! And I imagined them waltzing in a mutual friends party, in slow motion, love at first sight (because everything magical is...in...slow motion in my...mind?) It always happens a differently, and makes for a way better story!
Yess!! That mutual friend’s party, eyes locking and love at first sight scenario is the dream I’ve finally woken up from.
“…certain frustration level!” Wow!! You put words to thoughts/feelings I hadn’t named!
1000% agree! I never phrased it as "certain frustration level" until reading Jess's comment.
I used to think that the road to adulthood would be seamless and easy. By 25, all my friends and I would be parents, juggling our perfect careers with our dream like households. We would have it all figured out and we would all grow at the same pace. We would go through things at the exact same time, similar to adolescence, and just be a few blocks away from the nearest friend when in need. Oh, how I thought things would be so simple.
WHEW! I thought the exact same thing. Friends and I would make jokes about our kids playing together, our spouses being friends, all of us living in the same damn cult a sac. By a smooth 25, 26. Not knowing that every living thing grows at it's own pace, and in it's own unique direction. We had no idea how much grace and kindness we'd need. How simple we'd thought it'd be, indeed.
I used to think that every pregnant person loved being pregnant, and that it was always a beautiful time and experience in their life.
Well that was a lie.
I am yet to experience it, but I have learnt a considerable amount from others and I’m mentally better equipped.
Crying at this! Pregnant women were always, always glowing or power walking at Olympic pace in shows/movies. Big lies lol. I feel you 1000% in being more mentally equipped having witness a few friends/family going through the process.
Because who knows what physical challenges will be faced. Wonder if there is, or ever will be, a diverse portrayal of pregnant women's experiences in shows/movies.
I thought I would live with my closest friends throughout my 20’s and that we would have fun all the time. Instead I had way too many house shares with strangers that I could not stand 🥴
Hahaha man oh man! This truth hurt my chest. Listen, roommates that you can't stand are one of the single greatest character builders in your 20's.
That true love was some long epic drama, like Ross & Rachel in Friends. I identified and even tried to be like Rachel in my adolescence. Over time I realized that the drama was totally created in my own mind which then manifested in my romantic relationships. Not real life haha.
The longest most epic dramas! The more dramatic, the more romantic. I tried living this out as well. My relationships pilot should've never been approved and booted the hell off air after season 1. We've come a long way, Shelley. We've come a long way!
Yes we did!!!! <3