It feels like you got a glimpse into my heart and helped me articulate what I couldn’t. I call this phenomenon “moral solidarity”. It’s a code that’s as part of me as my skin is and I’ve never not applied it to people I love. But some events this week has me wondering if it’s time to dump it or be more discerning.
I too, think it’s beyond reasonable to desire some of what you give in return but why does it feel unfair to ask my friends to reciprocate in the same way?
Anyway, I’m happy to learn I’m not alone in this. Thank you for sharing.
I am totally borrowing "moral solidarity." What a string of words.
It feels wildly uncomfortable to ask friends for a specific type of reciprocity. Does it spoil the spontaneity and now feels forced? Why should I have to ask for these things? Shit, is it asking too much? I think we should be able to have these conversations, check in, clarify. I don't want to be oblivious and find myself standing in moral opposition to the people I call my people. Or call people "my people" that have no capacity to stand in solidarity with me.
I can admit I'm biased, so I'll never tell you to dump your code. This doesn't mean it shouldn't be dynamic, changing. But, a friend to all is a friend to none.
Thank you for reading and writing such thoughtful points, Udochi!
Ohhh. This was the word! Thank you for writing. In the past, I’ve ended friendships not on the terms of loyalty, but on terms of showing up but not receiving the same on my end. I often still think if I am wrong for doing so, as we all live different lives and can show up when the situation permits. Interesting all together how we interpret whats reasonable to accept or not.
Thank you for reading, Affeia! I completely feel you on ending certain relationships due to lack of reciprocity. It's such a delicate thing, an individual thing. Some people (that we love deeply) simply do not have the same code or capacity. I think it's beyond reasonable to desire some of what you give in return, and there are people that will meet and exceed whatever standards you set. I'm actively working on building/nurturing relationships that align, and it undoubtedly requires space from those that don't. Interesting indeed ❤️
It feels like you got a glimpse into my heart and helped me articulate what I couldn’t. I call this phenomenon “moral solidarity”. It’s a code that’s as part of me as my skin is and I’ve never not applied it to people I love. But some events this week has me wondering if it’s time to dump it or be more discerning.
I too, think it’s beyond reasonable to desire some of what you give in return but why does it feel unfair to ask my friends to reciprocate in the same way?
Anyway, I’m happy to learn I’m not alone in this. Thank you for sharing.
I am totally borrowing "moral solidarity." What a string of words.
It feels wildly uncomfortable to ask friends for a specific type of reciprocity. Does it spoil the spontaneity and now feels forced? Why should I have to ask for these things? Shit, is it asking too much? I think we should be able to have these conversations, check in, clarify. I don't want to be oblivious and find myself standing in moral opposition to the people I call my people. Or call people "my people" that have no capacity to stand in solidarity with me.
I can admit I'm biased, so I'll never tell you to dump your code. This doesn't mean it shouldn't be dynamic, changing. But, a friend to all is a friend to none.
Thank you for reading and writing such thoughtful points, Udochi!
This was an awesome read. one that requires multiple. Very Very deep and interesting. makes me scatter in my archives of emotions!
Thank you so much for reading, my dear! ❤️
Ohhh. This was the word! Thank you for writing. In the past, I’ve ended friendships not on the terms of loyalty, but on terms of showing up but not receiving the same on my end. I often still think if I am wrong for doing so, as we all live different lives and can show up when the situation permits. Interesting all together how we interpret whats reasonable to accept or not.
Thank you for reading, Affeia! I completely feel you on ending certain relationships due to lack of reciprocity. It's such a delicate thing, an individual thing. Some people (that we love deeply) simply do not have the same code or capacity. I think it's beyond reasonable to desire some of what you give in return, and there are people that will meet and exceed whatever standards you set. I'm actively working on building/nurturing relationships that align, and it undoubtedly requires space from those that don't. Interesting indeed ❤️
I've read this 3x this morning already! I feel SEEN - thank you for putting words to my feels as always.
For you, Motunrayo! It makes me feel so glad im not alone. ❤️
Nneka fucking Julia ladies and gents. This was goooood.
Not to mention this gave me more captions than a drake song. I'm good for the year 😭. Whew!
lmfaoooo Rebeccah you are the absolute best. This comment made my entire fuckin MONTH! Thank you so much 😭❤️