What I wish I would’ve learned sooner.
the question of 'when will it be enough?' is a loaded one. the goalposts will never stop moving unless we decide to keep them still. thank you always for your beautiful words Nneka
This was so therapeutic to read. Thank you Nneka!
Scene 2 reminds me how quickly my wife and I fell in love when we first met. We met on a subway platform in Brooklyn in 2016. In November we took a 17 hour road trip to visit her family. Our first summer together we went to Paris. People often asked us if we were moving too fast, I wish I could of told them we just let “let the love in.” Seven years later and we are still letting the love in. It’s different now, but now we are loving over a four month old. Thank you for this reminder, Nneka.
Nnekka, this is umm....timley. The internet is such a beautiful place but has brought me so much pain in the last year. Parasocial relationships blurring the lines between person and persona...
I scrubbed my entire feed after an especially hard friendship breakup (I say dumped, but that's another story) and pivoted to play instead. I got so much validation from all the praise but now it sounds like the cacophonous roar of a crowd in a coliseum. It's been hard to separate the abstraction between who I feel like I need to be on the internet vs. my real self. The constant comparison of talent on different planes.
That part gets no real applause.
There's been an intentional shifting of weight to quieten the noise a bit. Will the likes ever be enough? Am I as good of an artist as you say if rhe visibility and metrics don't back it up? Am I still good if another person never sees what I do? And yet. As I hack off the head of each of these questions, another two grow in it's place. [redacted] Hydra of doubt.
Life is long and windy and I'm stretching with every turn. At least I'm trying to.
Scene 1 speaks to my desire and longing for what was...the moments where I was in a space of waiting that procured creative ideas, conversations with strangers, and reflections of prior actions. The time of forced patience and growing excitement to see the developed photos from 35mm film that captured past experiences. The moment of being present and so much more.
Scene 2 is a reflection of my struggle. Will I?
This read was a beautifully framed mirror 💕
Absolutely in love with your writing
Your writing is so therapeutic to read! I was hooked in like I was a bystander for both scenes..
Even the comments are life giving cause I’m realizing the praise can be noise too and we can end up unconsciously creating work for the noise.
Lately I’ve been thinking about reels and how people are being overly transparent but not for transparency sake, but to go viral. They haven’t counted the cost or maybe they have but authenticity is becoming even more rare.
The likes, the follows, it’ll never be enough.. yet we chase and yearn for it. We often prioritize befriending algorithms over befriending ourselves.
Both of these questions were profound. We hear the phrase "I/You are enough;" yet are we really? I'm striving to let love in - especially for myself, maybe then it will be enough. Thank you, Nneka. Your words always have a way of landing directly in my heart.
deciding what is your enough is extremely important for navigating life, i don't think it means to settle but it's important to acknowledge that if we look to the external to satiate us, we will never get there.
as always, thank you for sharing.
Did you let love in .. mhm. Feeling this. And all else you shared too. It has taken me a long time to realise that no validation is greater than the one we gently give to ourselves, no "seeing" from an internet stranger will ever compare to someone really truly seeing and holding you and that no matter the noise nothing matters more than being here fully, in the present. Thank you for your beautiful writing and sharing the two stories with us ✨
Thanks for sharing Nneka. I’m working on “the enough” part and letting go of my unhealthy ideas of perfection.
We create these impossible standards that make it so hard to let others in.
Away with that!
Whew. “Did you let love in?” I think that says it all. Well written, per usual. Thank you 🤍
This is beautiful and moving, thank you