I lost a friendship this summer. A misunderstanding that the other didn't want to explain or solve, the choosing of another friend over another. The lack of caring, of admitting when they were wrong, of wanting to reconcile. Of believing them to trust fall only to...fall. Hard.
It broke my heart into many pieces and I have since been healing from the hurt. Your reflection is aiding me in the healing. Thank you!
this is tough one, Ash. so thankful you started noticing the patterns. it's brought me (possibly petty) comfort knowing that these behaviors never exist in a vacuum. what they do to you, they'll always, eventually, do to others.
To me, losing a friend is much more difficult than any romantic partner. The intimacy that lies between two platonic friends is something beautiful. To lose that is so rough. I’m so deeply sorry to hear of your loss. But like it was said before me, maybe if nothing else you gained the hindsight of knowing what a friend isn’t and I hope you’re able to find peace in that, eventually.
Listen after reading your first paragraph. That wasn’t a friend.. ooh been there tooo. I noticed how I was treated vs how she treated other friends. It like hell
A friendship of over a decade ended this year - really, it began its descent last year (letting go isn’t easy). The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that friendship by proximity is no longer an option for me. I no longer have the capacity to hold onto commitments that aren’t. Time and a shared history alone aren’t enough to tolerate the absence of friend they once were. I’ve learned that friendships, like people, evolve, and if someone isn’t willing to grow with you, it’s okay to move on without them.
Yes I agree..a shared history as special as it is can only carry you so far..you have to respect and give space to each other before they have to say it
This video popped up on my YouTube feed and when i watched it i thought “this sounds like a substack post” and here you are! I love it. Even more i loved the video and hearing the sound of your voice
1000% Samitriya, it really takes a conscious effort. I'm trying my hardest to remember the same wall that keeps out hurt, keeps out the love and depth we're looking for
I've given up, kept opening myself to people, supported, cared , understanding & yet betrayal seems to follow , I'm starting to think being good & kind it's not the way
I can't even act like I haven't felt this was Selenahzee! At times I've looked around and seen people who I knowwww acts wild, seemingly have a plethora of friends/support. And still, idk, I can't shake the feeling that the good and kind will pay off. Maybe not in superficial the sense, but consistency of character will forever outlast the fake. May all you've given be returned to you 10 fold ❤️
i've learnt to let myself dance between different versions of myself and the reflections i've encountered along the way. I recently stumbled on a picture of a past friend, you know that one friend i thought would be my children's aunty, and just looking at the picture i realised i wasn't the person in the picture anymore and she isn't either but those two versions of us were friends, had their moment, had their story and it's okay that that chapter ended. I think we get so hung up on longevity and the hope for forever type experiences with people but forever isn't a place we ever arrive at. endings meet us expected or not
Beautifully said. I always like to think that friendships ended were meant for a season and not a lifetime. We both really needed each other during that time & space and it’s beautiful what we shared. However after loosing 3 significant friendships (and the heart break that follows) I’ve become slightly jaded. I wonder if I can withstand the heartache again…every connection in the back of my mind plays that this is too good to be true and will probably end. I start to wonder if I’ll ever find my lifelong people.
I can totally understand and relate to the jadedness that comes with the experience of loosing people and the anxiety that comes with trying again buttt, it does get easier with experience.
i’ve just accepted the only lifelong relationship i would ever have is one with myself
and like the author said cayla, your people will find you❤️
I've learned that sometimes you don't have to reconcile just because you're feeling nostalgic, especially in instances where repair was attempted (alone) and the 3 A's were absent in the first place.
I've learned that better is always on the way, but desperation shouldn't lead you to pour all you have into new relationships. Pace yourself so that you don't overcompensate.
I'm learning that you need to let people care about you and not to bleed onto them/project because of how badly old friends/situations with old friends impacted you.
I lost a friendship this summer. A misunderstanding that the other didn't want to explain or solve, the choosing of another friend over another. The lack of caring, of admitting when they were wrong, of wanting to reconcile. Of believing them to trust fall only to...fall. Hard.
It broke my heart into many pieces and I have since been healing from the hurt. Your reflection is aiding me in the healing. Thank you!
this is tough one, Ash. so thankful you started noticing the patterns. it's brought me (possibly petty) comfort knowing that these behaviors never exist in a vacuum. what they do to you, they'll always, eventually, do to others.
one step at a time! right there with you ❤️
You're right about this. Thank you for taking the time to respond, it does feel a little less lonely in the heartbreak.
To me, losing a friend is much more difficult than any romantic partner. The intimacy that lies between two platonic friends is something beautiful. To lose that is so rough. I’m so deeply sorry to hear of your loss. But like it was said before me, maybe if nothing else you gained the hindsight of knowing what a friend isn’t and I hope you’re able to find peace in that, eventually.
So kind to share, thank you! I am at peace now.
I love that for you 🫶🏽
Listen after reading your first paragraph. That wasn’t a friend.. ooh been there tooo. I noticed how I was treated vs how she treated other friends. It like hell
Yes, always a telling sign
A friendship of over a decade ended this year - really, it began its descent last year (letting go isn’t easy). The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that friendship by proximity is no longer an option for me. I no longer have the capacity to hold onto commitments that aren’t. Time and a shared history alone aren’t enough to tolerate the absence of friend they once were. I’ve learned that friendships, like people, evolve, and if someone isn’t willing to grow with you, it’s okay to move on without them.
Yes I agree..a shared history as special as it is can only carry you so far..you have to respect and give space to each other before they have to say it
eras end🫶🏾PERIOD! “To have a friend is to be a friend” simple
exactly Shona!!
This video popped up on my YouTube feed and when i watched it i thought “this sounds like a substack post” and here you are! I love it. Even more i loved the video and hearing the sound of your voice
ahhhh! you're kidding! This made me smile, so glad to find you here :)
It can be the hardest thing to be open, safe, and make space after significant friendship loss. As you heal, you grieve that version of you.
1000% Samitriya, it really takes a conscious effort. I'm trying my hardest to remember the same wall that keeps out hurt, keeps out the love and depth we're looking for
Praying my audience finds me :-)
they will, Ash!
I loved the first lesson. So poignantly expressed!
thanks so much, Sameen 🙏🏽
I've given up, kept opening myself to people, supported, cared , understanding & yet betrayal seems to follow , I'm starting to think being good & kind it's not the way
I can't even act like I haven't felt this was Selenahzee! At times I've looked around and seen people who I knowwww acts wild, seemingly have a plethora of friends/support. And still, idk, I can't shake the feeling that the good and kind will pay off. Maybe not in superficial the sense, but consistency of character will forever outlast the fake. May all you've given be returned to you 10 fold ❤️
what a soft place to land: your voice, your message and your heart...thank you for sharing it. I needed this!
what a lovely compliment, thank you so much Jacobi!
This hit home, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for taking the time, Rodney 🙏🏽
Good read 👏🏻
We are SO BACK baby. This is gorgeous, Nneka. I’ll be reflecting on your points here for the rest of the week. 🥰
Riley!! thank you babes 😭❤️
Nneka, thank you for your reflection and reminders 🤎
Thank you so much for taking the time, Mariah ❤️
💖
❤️❤️❤️
i've learnt to let myself dance between different versions of myself and the reflections i've encountered along the way. I recently stumbled on a picture of a past friend, you know that one friend i thought would be my children's aunty, and just looking at the picture i realised i wasn't the person in the picture anymore and she isn't either but those two versions of us were friends, had their moment, had their story and it's okay that that chapter ended. I think we get so hung up on longevity and the hope for forever type experiences with people but forever isn't a place we ever arrive at. endings meet us expected or not
Beautifully said. I always like to think that friendships ended were meant for a season and not a lifetime. We both really needed each other during that time & space and it’s beautiful what we shared. However after loosing 3 significant friendships (and the heart break that follows) I’ve become slightly jaded. I wonder if I can withstand the heartache again…every connection in the back of my mind plays that this is too good to be true and will probably end. I start to wonder if I’ll ever find my lifelong people.
I can totally understand and relate to the jadedness that comes with the experience of loosing people and the anxiety that comes with trying again buttt, it does get easier with experience.
i’ve just accepted the only lifelong relationship i would ever have is one with myself
and like the author said cayla, your people will find you❤️
I've learned that sometimes you don't have to reconcile just because you're feeling nostalgic, especially in instances where repair was attempted (alone) and the 3 A's were absent in the first place.
I've learned that better is always on the way, but desperation shouldn't lead you to pour all you have into new relationships. Pace yourself so that you don't overcompensate.
I'm learning that you need to let people care about you and not to bleed onto them/project because of how badly old friends/situations with old friends impacted you.